Cultural Traditions

So this week was kind of blur, migraines tend to do that to people. I got a really bad one that started Tuesday night, worsened Wednesday night, and made Thursday a complete and total whirlwind. I even took excedrin each day that I brought with me from the States to try to keep it to a manageable level, and it made a difference but not nearly enough. You know when you can hear/feel your heartbeat inside your head and each beat sounds like an army of soldiers stabbing their bayonets and into your head and shooting a bullet into as well for good measure? That is kind of what I think migraines feel like, at least it's a comparable measure of pain.

Anyway, even with the pain, the last week was full of great adventures and derring do. As always, there was magnificent food, the nicest people, new places to see and explore, and lots of homework. Although this past week the homework was a lot more interesting and intriguing. In issue class this week, we talked about various traditions in Jordan and how they compare to traditions in America. It was an absolutely fascinating subject! We discussed weddings, funerals, births, graduations, and more. Weddings in Jordan and engagements are a long convoluted and complicated process in some facets. More simple than American festivities in others. When a boy sees a girl that he likes or finds attractive or whatever, he has to figure out where she lives. So usually he creepily stalks her home that first day. After getting the address, he has to get his mother to contact her mother and see if any possible connection between the two can be made. The mothers will discuss social class, what tribes they come from, connections they have in the military or university or in some sort of power, what their children studied at school, what careers they have, how much money they make yearly, etc. If all these different standards align somehow, the next step can be taken. If not, kiss any thought of a relationship goodbye. The father of the guy's family then must contact the father of the girl's family and set up a "Gaha" where all the men of both families can meet and discuss the possibility of engagement and other matters. At this big meeting, the most influential members of both families sit at the front and conduct business. The potential bride is responsible for making mansaf with lamb (mansaf with chicken means there will be no engagement since chicken is a subpar meat) and feeding both families. If her cooking is only so-so or bad, then the possible engagement will also get called off. If however, she can cook well, then the men can take the next step of writing up the engagement agreement. If both the potential bride and groom sign it and the influential men in both families agree to it, then the couple is finally officially engaged. After that, they can go on "date" that may or may not have supervision from one or both sets of parents. At the very least, they will be in the next room over to make sure nothing sketchy takes place. After six months or a year of being engaged (with no kissing or hand-holding or anything) the marriage will take place. The marriage is a three day extravaganza. So much celebrating, and they don't even have alcohol. The men and women are usually separated and the men take part in dancing and music and food (prepared by bride again or perhaps catered in modern times). The women, meanwhile, apply henna to the bride and make sure everything about her is absolutely perfect. Whenever the wedding party moves from one location to another, there is a long caravan of cars that incessantly honk their horns in some sort of rhythm congratulating the happy couple. There is at least one of these wedding caravan somewhere in the neighborhood of our apartment that goes by every couple days or so. When they stop, the people celebrate by lighting fireworks, shooting guns into the air, using noisemakers, etc. It made the first few days exciting trying to figure out where gunshots were coming from. Nothing as nerve-wrecking as an invading extremist army - it was only weddings. However, I still have a mild fear that a stray bullet will come down on my head, but the chances have to be fairly slim is my bet.

Funerals here last three days and take place as soon after the death of the deceased as possible. There can be no waiting around as we do in the States for the next weekend or opportune time for people's schedules. Such a move would show disrespect to the one who has passed on. They bury in the body in only a white canvas because of their firm belief that you can't take anything worldly with you to the next life. I find that notion noble and thought-provoking. No fancy suits or jewelry, just the simple garb of the lowest peasants throughout history. Those in attendance wear black and must not do anything happy or joyous for at least three days (which is usually how long the funeral lasts anyway). The wife or close family of the deceased mourns for forty days and must not partake in weddings, holidays, promotions, or other joyful occasions. Again, the meal of choice is mansaf with lamb. However, it is not required in this instance and if the close family of the deceased prefers another dish, that is ok.

Interestingly, one of the most important occasions of any family function or gathering for whatever occasion is the drinking of coffee. If someone shares their coffee with you at a gathering, it means you are accepted by them and have the right to contribute to the conversations or the proceedings. Coffee means you truly belong. However, it can also send other messages. For example, in arranged marriages when the hopeful man visits the young lady before any engagement takes place in her home with her relatives and they are given about an hour to get to know each other before agreeing to the marriage, the serving of coffee means the conversation is over and that it is time for the man to leave. That is one of my teacher's strategies. She is a conservative Muslim, but does not agree to arranged traditional marriages. Whenever a gentleman caller comes by hoping for her hand in marriage, she refuses to wear make-up or her nicest clothes. As soon as he is done talking about himself and asks her a questions, she replies, "Do you want your coffee with sugar or no sugar?". Then they have to leave. Coffee is such a major part of the culture here for social reasons among the normal help-you-stay-awake reasons. It is good I can just it is against my religion because then they don't get offended when I refuse their offers to share with them.

Last Saturday (and I get to go again tomorrow) we went to Wadi Mujib and it by far the most beautiful and awe-inspiring place I have been on the planet. I have seen quite a few cool places as well, don't get me wrong. It was a narrow slot canyon with a little creek running through it. Each twist and turn brought new, amazing views of the canyon cliffs, the sun, and the wonders of water in a desert climate. The water was not cold in the slightest but it wasn't too warm either. It was a nice break from always feeling dry with that slight salty residue because you sweat just a little bit from the heat of the day while walking around. Anyway, the views in this place were amazing. Every now and then, we also got to climb up big boulders or obstacles with the aide of iron ladders or strong ropes. At the end of the trail, there was a 50-foot waterfall that you could explore and even climb behind and look out if you wanted to. It was just gorgeous. I can't even begin to give the site justice. The other problem is that I couldn't take a camera because everything gets soaked, at some points you are pretty much swimming up the trail. It was a blast though and one of the most beautiful hikes I have ever been on. Just picture towering 50-foot canyon walls only a few yards apart with crystal clear water running between them. The walls have lots of depressions, abstract designs, and sedimentary layers showing because of the countless years that they have been carved by the water running through them. So much fun! I hope to get a few pictures to prove I went tomorrow by keeping my camera in the car and running to get it after we finish the hike and snapping pictures of the beginning of the trail. Or I might wrap my Ipod in a couple ziploc bags and see what I can do with that. It has a lived a long and productive life if worse comes to worse. We shall see.

Another thing I just did today was run down with some people to visit Suuq Jara again. It is kind of like an arts-and-crafts fair. I bought some things because I didn't know if I would find stuff like them ever again. Plus they just looked cool and I figure I should get the souvenirs I like. Most of the stuff I bought will probably end up going to other people, but it will be cool as long as they are appreciated. I bought an original painting that abstractly looks like the old city of Amman with people in traditional garb. I also got a wooden carving of a map of Israel with engraving of the old city of Jerusalem in it, and key chains and magnets that were made by hand to benefit the women shelters. I am a sucker for charity causes. These women shelters are mostly out in the country areas of Jordan. Single women or women in struggling families make handicrafts from scratch and local materials and then different charity companies and organizations bring these products into the city and sell them. All the money gets back to the women by order of the King, so that is nice to know. They make the most amazing things though. I also bought a watermelon juice from the market today. I couldn't resist. It is the best tasting juice/drink that I have had in a very long time. I watched them mix it and they put in a whole lot of watermelon, quite a bit of sugar, and then three different "secret" liquid ingredients (although only a small splash of each) to make the drink. It tastes like pure heaven. All the refreshing qualities of watermelon but totally liquid - no pulp, seeds, or weird textures like you normally find in smoothies. True heaven.

Oh sidenote: I am glad I brought my ankle brace. No worries, I am not the one using it right now. Yaoyao, one of the girls in my program, sprained her ankle pretty bad on the Wadi Mujib trip last week. She hasn't been really able to get around. Today, I remember I had packed the brace so I dug it out and gave it to her. I hope it makes a difference. Before I left, I really wondered if I needed it because of the space it would take up with my limitations on what I could pack. The Spirit kept nagging me to pack it though, so it ended up in the suitcase. And what do you know? Like every other time I have followed a spiritual prompting, it was for a reason. Granted, it took about a month to know why for this one, but it is just another small testimony builder to me that God is aware of us and will bless us in a multitude of ways if we are willing to listen. The amount of tender mercies one receives in any location, stage of life, or reason are amazing!

A lot of this week was also taken up trying to fill out application stuff for a Saudi Arabia Fellowship opportunity. I had to write an essay, update my resume and cover letters, find ways to get letters of recommendation as well as hard copies of passport style pictures to D.C. I want to thank my family for getting those photos sent in with all the other stuff I couldn't email. You guys rock! I also want to thank all my friends for their constructive support and editing of my essay. It made a big difference, especially because right now I can't do well in Arabic or English grammar - I just have this weird mashup of both that is driving me crazy. Supposedly, they eventually separate better in your brain though so this should be a short phase I can persevere through! Thanks again for everything! This fellowship would be an almost-all-expenses-paid two week trip to Saudi Arabia to visit with dignitaries, business, cultural, and political leaders in that country. Then, I would get to come home and share what I have learned with others through a variety of activities and efforts! So, if I can ask everyone who reads this blog to do one last thing: pray for me to be able to get this fellowship. It would be the opportunity of a lifetime (and it would make up the for the fact that I have never had an internship yet). Even if I don't get it, it was a good experience to apply for it and take stock of all my recent accomplishments and other events in my life. Again, if you could just pray for me, that would be great! Also, while I am on the topic of prayer: if you could pray for me to have the gift of tongues and to have my tongue loosed or something to that effect that would be great! I am understanding what people say better and better everyday, but I am still struggling with speaking. I freeze up and forget Arabic when I first try to say things. This doesn't happen all the time, but it is often enough that it is a problem. Thanks for your faith and prayers in advance and for all those who have already been doing so!

Ok, the food of this week. Amazing as always. I am thoroughly convinced Arabs have never made a bad food in their entire history as a culture. That or I am just blessed with extremely adaptable taste buds. Take your pick. This week we visited the restaurant Fruit Salad. Don't be misled by the misnomer, this place is the most unhealthy of anything I have eaten yet. Yes, the dishes do contain an entire two weeks' worth of fruit (like an apple, pear, watermelon, coconut slice, pluot, pomegranate seeds, kiwi, pineapple, strawberries, guavas, and so much more I am forgetting). However, they are all draped with delicious, fresh whipped cream and some sort of delicious honey that has a more fruity base to it than normal. This cocktail means all the sugars of the fruit convalesce into some sickenly sweet fruit syrup all around the dish. Then of course, there is the ice cream - like an entire giant bowl's worth. So much amazing food! I didn't even get the nutella one where everything is dipped in chocolate and you have candy bars mixed in. That will definitely be a future endeavor of mine. The last hour of classes this week, we had a giant party where the teachers all brought homemade dishes to share with us. It was a dream come true. There were grape leaves and squashes stuffed with rice and spices and other delicious things that I have I no idea what they were. Picture the best stuffed bell pepper you have ever had and imagine it a million times better - you get how much I loved these stuffed foods. There was also a lot of breads stuffed with cheeses or meats or zatir. Zatir means "tyme" but in Jordan it means tyme mixed with a variety of other tantalizing spices and flavors. Every zatir is different and unique and delicious. I'll have to see if I can bring any home so that you guys can have a small taste and understand what we are missing out on. There was also this really great spicy hummus with nuts on top that added zest to all the other dishes and was even great just plain. I think that is all the exciting new food I tried this week. I did learn that my body does not like the long term milk that most other countries use. It made my stomach quite unhappy, so I'll have to go find where there is fresh milk so I can keep my bones nice and strong. Oh, I did also discover this watermelon juice that is mixed with rose extract or something like that, it's quite good.

I have started to make Arab friends as well, which has been really nice. They call me and want to hang out and they usually don't really speak English so that's great. I think I might just start walking up to people this week and talking to them out of the blue. My approach to make it more normal and less awkward and missionary-feeling is to ask them if I can take their picture for my travel blog (this one) and then talk with them after so I can record their life stories and experiences. So if you start to posts each day on the blog, that is the reason why. They will be much shorter though with a picture and not posted to Facebook. It will be a little bio of someone I met. It also gives me the opportunity to talk with a variety of people who work a variety of trades. I want to visit a halal butcher (like kosher for Muslims) as well as fruit stand owners, spicer shop workers, bakery men, etc. this week and find out how they do what they do. And what it means to them. That is my hope for this week, so if you like travel blogs that give lots of little bios of a variety of people, make sure you start following the blog itself. If not, I'll still post my weekly musings, thoughts, and reactions to Facebook each Friday. I hope this will get me in better with the Arab people. They do relationships differently. Strangers are just that - strange and not to be trusted or interacted with unless you are trying to sell something (and then you be extra nice to try to get as much out of them as possible) but if you can become someone that they actually know, you are like family to them. They will call you everyday, feed you, find out every secret they can about you and your life and share the same with you, introduce you to their families and friends, and use their connections to get you everything possible. It is just such a different dynamic than what I am used to, but I have been adapting and once you get to know an Arab - it is like you have been best friends since birth with all the expectations that such a relationship implies (the good and the bad).

I guess I should also write and let you all know that life here is perfectly safe and fine. They have upped the security around here a little bit and the rules that we have to follow because of the recent declaration on ISIS by a multitude of countries. Overwhelmingly, the people here HATE ISIS, they disavow them in every way, shape, and form possible. Everyone I have talked to makes sure that I know that ISIS has no religion, the people have left every teaching and practice that Islam stands for. They make sure I understand these are terrible people and that God has a very special plan for them in the next life to make them pay for what they are currently doing. That being said, we are relatively close to the two countries where the action is taking place, so now we are no longer allowed to go out alone at all at night. We must always have someone from the program with us even to walk down the street. If we are leaving the immediate area where we have classes, we must also be with someone from the program. We are not allowed to even visit the next neighborhood of Amman without a classmate. There is also a more visible police and army security presence on the major streets and traffic circles. So no worries, we are being well taken care of and protected. If anything does happen, we have already been told we will be on the first plane out of here or we will be in lockdown in our apartments for a few days depending on the situation. But such a scenario is extremely unlikely, so believe me when I say don't worry and don't stress.

I think that is all for this week, I need to get headed to bed soon anyway. I just barely got over the migraine and can't afford to do anything that would make it come back. Thanks again for all that you guys have done to support me and are currently doing. I hope you enjoyed my post today!